NBAS ’11: Trashland A Go-Go by Constance Ann Fitzgerald

Reblogged from Dreadful Tales:

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What do you get when you mix Alice in Wonderland with an incredibly strange acid trip at a nudie bar, followed by a late night screening of every weirdo b-grade cult movie you’ve ever seen? You get the phenomenal first effort of Constance Ann Fitzgerald, Trashland A Go-Go… and a huge case of envy. From Amazon: Coco takes off her clothes for a living, until some nasty little bitch kills her while she’s dancing. Thrown in the dumpster by her sleazebag boss, Coco awakens in a land of trash. With her new …

Day 4 of the NBAS 2011-2012 takeover at DreadfulTales: Trashland A Go-Go!
Check out the awesome review and maybe subject yourself to the interview <3

Dreadful Tales Gets Weird

Reblogged from Dreadful Tales:

Over the past 3 weeks, I’ve read no less than 12 insanely off-the-wall books I’ve ever seen. That’s a lot to digest in such a short amount of time, approximately something like 1200 (or more) pages of the weirdest shit you’ve ever laid your eyes on. And that’s also on top of the books I’ve checked out in the mean-time, and the 100 years of Horror articles. And sleeping. And eating. Not books… eating food. Though… I could eat books… Never mind. Eating books is a bad idea right now. Especially after …

The 2011-2012 NBAS is taking over Dreadful Tales for NINE DAYS!

New From Skurvy Ink: Trashland A Go-Go T-shirts!

You know you wanna wear me

Now I’m like a fucking rock band! I have t-shirts!

Design by Justin T Coons

Get your TRASHLAND A GO-GO t-shirts at Skurvy Ink.com !

Skurvy Ink boasts tons fantastic bizarro shirts like Andrew Goldfarb, Kevin Shamel , Eraserhead and Swallowdown Press and many more!
Get your Bizarro gear today!

And if you haven’t gotten your copy of Trashland A Go-Go, never fear! The link for purchase is HERE!

Things I Love Thursday: The Murder City Devils Pay Tribute To Fine 1950′s Cinema

My love for the Murder City Devils is no secret. Seeing them at the Great American Music Hall was honestly the best live show I have EVER seen. Even if I remember more of the words to their songs than Spencer does. I crank the volume and rock my face off EVERY time I hear any of their songs. It’s the infectious rock ‘n’ roll that I just can’t resist.
But why would you want to? Just give in.

Art imitates life, and life can also imitate art. And sometimes art imitates art.
Take for instance The Murder City Devils’ “Left Hand, Right Hand” off of their 1998  release Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts.

Not only is “Left Hand, Right Hand” a great fucking song, it’s also telling the story of the 1955 film staring Robert Mitchum and Shelly Winters, The Night of the Hunter.

The Night of the Hunter is the story of the family Ben Harper leaves behind when he is arrested and eventually hanged, for committing a robbery during which two men are killed. Before he is captured, Ben Harper stashes the money and tells his son, John, where the money is hidden.
Ben Harper shares a prison cell with a serial killer posing as preacher, Reverend Harry Powell who tries to get Ben Harper to tell him where the money can be found before Harper is hanged.
Harper’s utterance of a bible verse convinces the Reverend that Harper’s children know where the money is. Upon his release he sets out to marry Harper’s widow and get the children to tell him where their father hid the cash.

This movie is incredible. And I refuse to spoil it for you by going any further into the story. It’s dark, unnerving, and glorious.
So, what IS the story of love and hate?
The Reverend has the words “love” and “hate” tattooed across his knuckles. When he sees young John Harper staring at the words he tells them the tale.

“Ah, little lad, you’re staring at my fingers. Would you like me to tell you the little story of right-hand/left-hand? The story of good and evil? H-A-T-E! It was with this left hand that old brother Cain struck the blow that laid his brother low. L-O-V-E! You see these fingers, dear hearts? These fingers has veins that run straight to the soul of man. The right hand, friends, the hand of love. Now watch, and I’ll show you the story of life. Those fingers, dear hearts, is always a-warring and a-tugging, one agin t’other. Now watch ‘em! Old brother left hand, left hand he’s a fighting, and it looks like love’s a goner. But wait a minute! Hot dog, love’s a winning! Yessirree! It’s love that’s won, and old left hand hate is down for the count!“

The Murder City Devils “Left Hand, Right Hand” is a rock’n'roll synopsis of a film said to have influenced great directors such as David Lynch, The Coen Brothers, Martin Scorsese and more. Their song made me want to watch the film. And a damn fine film it is.

In the spirit of Christmas I leave you with the only Christmas song I love. Which is, of course, by The Murder City Devils.

So long as we’re talking Christmas, I would say that a copy of The Night of the Hunter and The Murder City Devils Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts makes a damn fine gift pairing.

Yet another gift set idea: The 2011 New Bizarro Author Series. Not just because I want you to purchase my book (though, I really do) but because it’s Thursday and this is another thing I love dearly. These people, their stories, and the opportunity being given to the eight of us.
The 2011 NBAS is fully eligible for the 4 books for the price of 3 deal. So, if you buy all 8, two of them will be FREE! And you don’t even have to tell the people you give them to that they were free. Or you can keep them all to yourself, and no one will be the wiser.

The New Bizarro Author Series 2011 on Amazon
The Night of the Hunter DVD on Amazon
The Night of the Hunter Book on Amazon
Murder City Devils – Empty Bottles, Broken Hearts on Amazon

Wish I’d Thought Of It First: Leave it to Seizure

I’m a sick bastard.
I don’t imagine that is a secret to anyone. I find amusement in some strange places.
One of them is the show 1,000 Ways To Die on the, generally geared towards men, television network “Spike”. It was suggested to me by Netflix, and like so many things they suggest to me, I loved it.

It’s like they know me.

The big draw to this show for me is the camp. All of the deaths featured are “inspired by actual events.”

The show is graphic in the way a B-movie is graphic. Each dramatization features tons of too-red blood, fake organs exposed and exploding, and campy, over the top, bad acting. The kind of shit I eat for breakfast.
They tend to set up each story by making the soon-to-be-deceased seem like a complete sleaze bag. Which I assume is to get the average viewer to think of them less like a person and more like a cartoon villain who has finally gotten their comeuppance. A damn fine strategy if the success of your program depends on being able to mock the dead.

I tore through the first season. It actually helped me figure out how to deal with a character in Trashland A Go-Go.

While watching a good chunk of the marathon featured on television yesterday evening, I came across a gem. The death of a stripper that I kicked myself for not thinking of on my own.

Gold.

Not that I regret the way I killed Coco Darling. I’ll stand by that. But goddamn. This would have been a fine scene as well.
You’ve served me well, 1,000 Ways To Die. I tip my hat to your genius.

Basking and Gushing

I returned from BizarroCon 2011 last night and fell into bed, exhausted and on a high that only BizarroCon can provide. It’s so fucking refreshing. I am absolutely smitten with each and every person who attended and honored to be a part of such a diverse, interesting, creative and warm group of people.
I was basically heartbroken when it was time to come home. 

I slacked off on my Bizarro Central duties something fierce while I was away. I was busy falling in love with some of the most magnificent fucking people I have ever be lucky enough to meet. Fortunately, Sam Reeve (another editor at Bizarro Central) had the presence of mind to make a post. And a DAMN fine post it is. Check out her 10 Personal Highlights of BizarroCon to see what you missed. Like Michael A. Rose being my favorite person in the universe by agreeing to strip and give David Barbee a lapdance as the finale to my first public reading ever, Jeremy Robert Johnson getting a mess of duck heads dropped in his lap, Cody Goodfellow and Nick Gucker performing a rendition of my all time favorite childeren’s book The Giving Tree, entitled :”The Greedy Tree“, and SO much more.
Thursday evening 6 of the 8 New Bizarro Authors were taken away to be presented with our books. Where I tried not to weep like a wee child once it was in my hand. Harder still once I opened it and saw the surprise personalized intro from Kevin Shamel.

After much anticipation and attempting to stuff some accidentally released cats back into their respective bags- here it is, in all it’s glory! And it’s ready to come live a cozy little life on your bookshelf, night stand, or backpack.

Wherever you keep your books, Trashland A Go-Go wants to be there!

I am so excited to officially announce this! I know that we, the 2011 NBAS, got a little antsy and there has been some mild promotion before now. But, I wanted to wait until the launch/BizarroCon to make my official announcement.

As a member of the New Bizarro Author Series we have a sales quota to fulfill. Our reward? Being able to write MORE books! So, if you would like for me to be able to write more books for Eraserhead Press, then purchase you must!

“Alice in Wonderland, with garbage and a dead stripper!
Coco takes off her clothes for a living, until some nasty little bitch kills her while she’s dancing. Thrown in the dumpster by her sleazebag boss, Coco awakens in a land of trash. With her new friend, Rudy (a dying fly), and her knight in garbage armor, the undead dancer tries to find her way home. But first she must escape from the evil Queen of this trashscape: a jealous and insane Ruler of Refuse who has an intense fear of flies. With hints of The Matrix and The Whiz, this heady trip will satisfy your cravings for twisted fairy tales, rotting garbage, and charming weirdos.
Long live the Queen!”

I was also fortunate enough to get my first review on Amazon! By some one I don’t already know! How exciting is that?! So exciting that I took a screen shot! :

Trashland A Go-Go (as well as the rest of this years NBAS titles) is available now! In both Kindle and paperback editions! And eligible for the fantastic 4 books for the price of 3 deal! There is no reason to not pick up all eight!

But if you want to just buy 4 copies of my book, I won’t mind that either. It’ll make a great stocking stuffer.

GIGANTICCRUSHINGTHANKS to Kevin Shamel for working with me beginning to end on this book, and even before. Because without him it wouldn’t even have made it to the original 5,000 words that waited impatiently in my notebook after last year’s BizarroCon.
I will forever sing his praises and consider myself so much more fortunate than I can even attempt to fathom, for having an editor than genuinely cares not only about my work, but about me.

The entire experience has been surreal. I’m on cloud 12,995.

Six years ago my brother Kevin Parks handed me a copy of Carlton Mellick III ‘s Teeth and Tongue Landscape and I became a fan of Bizarro.
Thursday November 17th 2011 Kevin Shamel, Rose O’Keefe, and Kevin L. Donihe presented me with a copy of my first book as a Bizarro author. I never in a million years thought it would happen. But I am elated that it did and am honored to be a part of this wonderful community and to have the support of so many magnificent people and to support them and all they do in return.

xo Constance Ann

More Strippers To Look Forward To: Strippers vs Werewolves!

WHAT?! Strippers vs Werewolves?!
These people are fucking geniuses! Who doesn’t love hot girls covered in blood?  It’s sort of what slasher films are built on. Gore, boobs, more gore, some full frontal, and MORE GORE!
Now, you are going to say to yourself, “Strippers vs Werewolves sounds pretty awesome. But I still need MORE! Make this MORE awesome!”
And a little voice should pop up here and tell you to stop being so fucking selfish. Werewolves, and scheming strippers ought to be enough for you! But fine! You want more!? We’ll throw in Bill Murray and Robert Englund!
What the WHAT!?
And how about a super fucking sweet trailer set to Duran Duran’s “Hungry Like the Wolf”?

I might be more excited for this movie (due out this winter!) than I am for Trashland A Go-Go!

. . . okay, not really.
Trashland A Go-Go launches OFFICIALLY this weekend at BizarroCon 2011.
Thanks to everyone who has already purchased a copy! I’ll post links, cover arts and a page listing all the NBAS authors with links to their books, once it’s all official/ post-Con.

Meanwhile, here’s a neat article by someone who got to spend a day on the set of Strippers vs Werewolves. Lucky bastard.

xo Constance Ann

Everyone Loves a Dead Stripper

It seems that this years NBAS’ers are getting a little antsy. But who could blame us?! We’re fucking ecstatic!

As much as I want to say “Hey! If you are reading this there is no reason to not buy my book!” the Amazon page has not fully come into its own just yet. The cover art is gestating in the womb of amazon.com and will burst into this world any day now! The description is pretty great though. And darned flattering too!

So stay tuned for official updates! We’re officially launching at BizarroCon 2011 where we will be giving a reading of our fancy new novellas for the Bizarro crowd. (gulp)

In celebration/anticipation of the release of Trashland A Go-Go I’ve decided to discuss other dead strippers.
I noticed that while discussing the premise of Trashland A Go-Go, as soon as I said “It’s about a stripper who has a terrible accident on stage and dies…” people were on board. Before I could even mention the trashland.
People love the idea of dead strippers. I don’t know why any more than I imagine you do.
I think it probably stems from this line of thought:

But, you know…more twisted. Or maybe it’s just me.(itreallyisnt)
Example?
The 2008 film Zombie Strippers

I didn’t think it was going to be a very good movie. At all.
It turned out to be really fucking great.This, also coming from someone who DEARLY loved The Gay Bed and Breakfast of Terror.

I am a sucker for camp.
Zombie Strippers has pretty much everything you could ask for. Blood, guts, zombies, bare breasts, strippers, Robert Englund as the club owner, lap dances customers don’t return from, surprising political and social commentary and a ping pong ball trick you won’t soon forget.
Look for more dead,undead, and otherwise interesting stripper tales here, as well as all the latest news on my novella, the rest of the NBAS and anything else I feel like throwing at you.
And don’t forget to check out the podcast I co-host with the lovely Lex, Love and Sex with Lex! The latest installment entitled Lez-Fest isn’t just for the womenfolk! Hell, I was the only person on panel with no sexual interest in women, and I still had a blast.
Next episode’s topic? Manwhores.

xo
Constance Ann

The excitement is killing me!

. . .again.

BizarroCon 2011!

And how excited am I? Even more so than last year!
How is that possible?

Because THIS year Eraserhead Press will be releasing my first book in the New Bizarro Author Series.
Trashland A Go-Go all up in your face!

Cover art by Shana D Liebowitz (will appeared cropped and in the NBAS green template)

I’d be lying if I said that this wasn’t equally terrifying and fantastic. It’s a good mix.

Stay tuned for more info!

Favorite Things: Yeah Yeah Yeahs

What’s not to love?!
The Yeah Yeahs Yeahs have been rocking my fucking face off in variant degrees of awesomeness for years now. And I can never get enough.

Today while listening to them at work, I was moved to make mention of them as one of my “Favorite Things” that I said I would start posting here.

They seem to be hard to put a label on since they take their music in so many directions.
Example: Two of my all time favorites that sound completely different, yet somehow cohesive enough to be made by the same 3 people.

“Art rock” , “Indie rock”, “Indie punk” , “art punk”.  Whatever the hell  you want to call it, it’s amazing and fully worthy of pumping up the volume.

And it’s neigh impossible to talk about them without talking about style. Specifically, front woman Karen O who dresses like a crazed spaceman….and pulls it off?

She’s rocked an asymetrical mullet, and the bowl cut of your average 3rd grade boy and still looks amazing.

warrior.

They have continuously put out music that makes me dance, swoon and rock the fuck out for the last ten years. Well done, Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I love you. Hard.

Also, they make me REALLY wish I owned a theremin.