Avoid Breaking Hearts, Your Wallet and Being Set on Fire This Valentine’s Day!

As a girl who has never had a legitimate boyfriend or any kind of normal, stable relationship I am not qualified to tell you how to make this the best Valentine’s Day ever.
But I CAN give you some ideas for gifts that aren’t the same old bullshit.

Girls love chocolate. I will not dispute that.

They can't control themselves. Look at this bitch. She won't even share.

In fact, I encourage you to purchase chocolate in addition to any of the following gift ideas for your sweet pea, honey bun, sugar pie, or vomit kitten.
…what?


 

 

 

 

Check out these awesome and affordable (if not ridiculously cheap) gift ideas to make the swooning and googly eyes happen.

 

Bradley Sands Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy
From Amazon: “Bizarro humorist Bradley Sands returns with one of the strangest, most hilarious collections of the year.
In Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy, the pope gets sued, a headless man falls in love with a bowl of rice, and architects dismantle the earth. A war breaks out over greeting cards. A suicidal amputee tries to kill himself. William S. Burroughs becomes an amateur archaeologist and Tao Lin drinks an ape-flavored smoothie.
Between a breakfast of clocks, a lunch date with Adolf Hitler, and breakdancing in outer space, anything is possible in the work of Bradley Sands. Just never wear a bear costume to an orgy.
And it’s FREE for Kindle now!

So much smoulder that he'll let you buy some for $5

Personalized Sonnets from THE Garrett Cook- Just $5!
Want a heart felt and romantic gift? Let Garrett Cook do all the heart-feeling for you, while making your lover think you have an ounce of poetry in your soul. They never need know the difference.
For all they know, your love for them inspired you to compose sonnets of love and adoration. Flattery will get you everywhere.
Click HERE for more details!

 

 

No, seriously. Free shit. Use the promo code.

Sex Toys!
Because you’re already in the giving spirit, so may as well take it there. Go big or go home…alone.
Valentine’s Day used to be about massacres and gore and MAYHEM!
Fortunately it has taken a much sexier course.
Right now at adamandeve.com if you enterĀ  the code “LOVESEX” (because we all do) you will receive 50% off your order, FREE porno DVDs, FREE shipping, and a FREE sexy mystery gift!
(While you’re using, and enjoying, our promo code, maybe stop by loveandsexwithlex.com or iTunes and download one or all TEN hilarious and educational episodes of the podcast Love and Sex with Lex!)

Even the logo is fucking cute

The Gift of Style
Give your lady something sweet, stylish, and unique from Doe Eyed and Pigeon Toed to round out her Valentine’s day look.

 

 

 

"My name's Gypsy, what's yours?"

Burlesque Classes with Bombshell Betty
Because nothing is sexier than self confidence…except a little strut and a sweet ensemble.
Click HERE to find out about all the services Bombshell Betty has to offer!

 

 

But nothing beats a stolen from the internet handmade Valentine:

3 thoughts on “Avoid Breaking Hearts, Your Wallet and Being Set on Fire This Valentine’s Day!

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